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Your essay is well-structured and addresses the task effectively. To improve your score, focus on providing a clearer opinion, varying your vocabulary to avoid repetition, and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofreading your essay can help catch minor errors and improve overall quality. With these adjustments, you'll be able to achieve a higher score.

Many people think that zoos are cruel. Others think they are helpful in protecting rare animals.

Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Some people think that a zoo is not a friendly place while other people perceive that a zoo is a conservation place for rare animals. There are some discussions there are some discussion for each opinion.

For the opinion that zoos are cruel, there are some explanations behind that argument. First, it is known that animals in the zoo can't move freely as their moves are limited behind the
enclosures causing stress for animals. However, if the zookeepers can properly manage the animals' moods, the issue will not be significant. For instance, playing with the animals, feeding them on time, and treating them well can help them feel safe. Here are some examples of zoos that treat animals according to the highest standards of care and welfare, The New York Zoo and Melbourne Zoo.

In other ways, people are thinking that zoos are safe places to protect some endangered species. While
conservating rare animals, zoos should understand the proper ways to keep the animals safe and healthy as their numbers are very limited and at risk of extinction. Other people think the opposite, not making them free in their real habitats will make them more vulnerable and closer to their extinction.

However, there will be
a lot of discussions about the function of the zoos. For me, it will depend on the competency of the zoo management. If they can treat the animal properly according to their rights, there will be a lot of benefits compared to the drawbacks.

Overall Feedback

Your essay is well-structured and addresses the task effectively. To improve your score, focus on providing a clearer opinion, varying your vocabulary to avoid repetition, and ensuring grammatical accuracy. Proofreading your essay can help catch minor errors and improve overall quality. With these adjustments, you'll be able to achieve a higher score.

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