Overall Feedback

Your essay presents a clear opinion but needs significant improvement in structure, vocabulary, and grammatical accuracy. Focus on organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, using a wider range of vocabulary, and proofreading for grammatical errors. Additionally, develop your points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations to make your argument more convincing. Improving these areas will help you achieve a higher score.

Some think that it is more important for children to engage in outdoor activities instead of playing videogames.

To what extent to you agree or disagree?
I personally would give a 4 out of the scale 1-5. That means that I strongly agree with the opinion given that children should engage more in outdoor activities instead of playing video game. Here is my several reasons: First, children can make a real life friend and connections to their classmate or just any neighbourhood kids their age as they play with other friends. Secondly, children can directly learn from their friends how to socialise so they will not be a socially awkward person growing up. Furthermore, when it comes to physical movement, outdoor activities let children be active and not just stay still. It actually helps a lot to their physical body to their immune system. Being children means individual still in long way to go to help them grow. Such activities, for example swimming in school, playing hockey, riding a horse can help them choice what they like that can become their hobby, or better yet, get in particular competition and win some medal. Also, playing outdoor exercise their motor system, intellectually and emotionally train children how to deal with some familiar and unusual circumstances. As I rate 4 out of 5, another 1 left is that I do believe that playing sort of video games in a period of time set up is also help children in a more creative way. There are so many video games that is not only fun but also help them learn. Some of it require some skills such as great in strategy, problem solving, team management, and read situation. Such game I am talking about here is Mobile Legend. It requires the skills that I just mentioned in order to win on the game. One needs to cooperate to another so they would not lose. That being said, playing video games should be balanced with other activities that require physical exercise to keep them healthy. In my opinion, outdoor activities and playing video games have its own advantages that parents can consider what best for their children as these two things, when put in right place and set up, can make children get so many positives side. Also, it is also best to let children choose what activity they like while still put attention to them.

Overall Feedback

Your essay presents a clear opinion but needs significant improvement in structure, vocabulary, and grammatical accuracy. Focus on organizing your ideas into clear paragraphs, using a wider range of vocabulary, and proofreading for grammatical errors. Additionally, develop your points more thoroughly with specific examples and explanations to make your argument more convincing. Improving these areas will help you achieve a higher score.

1 paragraphs

376 words


4.0

Feedback