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Your essay covers the task but needs more detailed explanations and examples to support your main points. Ensure you discuss both advantages and disadvantages for a balanced argument. Improve your vocabulary by using more varied and precise language, and be mindful of grammatical errors. Adding a conclusion would also strengthen your essay.

Many museums charge for admission while others are free.
Do you think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the disadvantages?

Charging for a museum trip seems counterintuitive to its intended purpose of being seen by everyone, but many advantages can be achieved through some extra funding. The main advantage is that the museum can use that money to preserve its exhibition better. And also being able to spend more money to bring in more exotic and valuable pieces.
Museums exhibit many precious items and with it, many accidents could happen to those items. So museums need more money to be able to hire staff members to watch over the exhibit, and guards to protect those exhibits from accidents. They also need to be able to fix the aftermath of any problems that could happen. One of the most famous examples is the Mona Lisa, the most famous art piece in the entire world, which has been many times vandalized by social activists, but because of the glass casing it and the guards protecting it, to this day that painting is still preserved in all of its beauty.
Not just for preservation, museums still need money to create more ways for their exhibit to be seen. They can create more pathways to be able to see it from more angles, create rooms to store bigger exhibits, and make it so that the piece can be seen the way it is intended to be seen.

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