Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views effectively. However, to improve your score, focus on developing your arguments more thoroughly, using smoother transitions, and correcting spelling and grammatical errors. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring the precise use of vocabulary will also enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your essay.
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and addresses both views effectively. However, to improve your score, focus on developing your arguments more thoroughly, using smoother transitions, and correcting spelling and grammatical errors. Simplifying complex sentences and ensuring the precise use of vocabulary will also enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your essay.
4 paragraphs
290 words