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Your essay covers the task and presents relevant ideas, but could benefit from more concise and focused development of points. Your essay is generally well-organized, but improving cohesion between paragraphs would enhance clarity. Your vocabulary is adequate, but there are some errors and awkward phrasing that need attention. Finally, focus on improving your grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Overall, your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the task, but there is room for refinement and improvement.

Many think that in today’s world it is very difficult for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Others, however, feel that it is easy for people to be healthy and fit if they want to be.

Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Life in modern era becomes more challenging since the change of lifestyle lead to several unhealthy habits. The cause can be from many aspects of everyday life: food, sleep routine, work, and so on. Many think that in today's world it is for people to maintain a healthy lifestyle. Why does it happen?
The advance of technology brings many benefits, yet we need some strategies to avoid the potential disadvantages that follow, since it affects every part of our daily life. For instance, the demand of providing sufficient amount of food leads to some innovations regarding food processing. By using sophisticated machine, food are distributed easily from the resource until it is packed and ready to serve on the table. However, to make food products have longer lifetime period before consumption or to enhance the taste, food industries add some additive chemicals like preservatives, synthesized seasonings, or food colorings. Certain level of those substances caused several risks for our body and lead into certain diseases such as cancer. Not only from the processing, the problems come from the way
they grow the natural resource of food: farming technology involve genetic modified organism (GMO) to improve the quality of raw materials including fruits, vegetables, grains, meats, eggs, and so on. The inorganic fertilizer used by farmers also impacts the chemical contents in the harvests that caused some damage to the body and environment. In addition, how we serve food determines calories and nutrition of the food: fast foods which are quite favorable among the society increase the level of body fat and cholesterol that lead into several risks like diabetes, heart attack, or colon cancer.
Besides plenty of disadvantages of unhealthy foods, our daily routine like how much we walk or whether we have enough of sleep also impacts our health. Sedentary
life style like sitting in front of computers while completing some task during office hours makes us more passive. No wonder that the obesity rate is increasing from time to time. Less amount of sleep when we watch movies to get refreshment and entertainment from very busy and tiring work disturbs the regeneration processes inside our bodies.
Consequently, we must pay serious attention to what we eat, our sleep schedules, how to be more active, and any other aspects related to our health. There are facilities to support our choice: stores that sell organic food, gyms, digital application to help
improving sleeps, and so on. The access to those facilities does not always need to spend certain amount of money, it can be totally free, just to put some efforts to start it. For instance, public area can be used for exercising instead of paying for a gym member. In the end, the choice is in our hands. In my opinion, we are responsible for loving maintaining our healthy bodies.

Overall Feedback

Your essay covers the task and presents relevant ideas, but could benefit from more concise and focused development of points. Your essay is generally well-organized, but improving cohesion between paragraphs would enhance clarity. Your vocabulary is adequate, but there are some errors and awkward phrasing that need attention. Finally, focus on improving your grammatical accuracy, particularly with subject-verb agreement and article usage. Overall, your writing demonstrates a good understanding of the task, but there is room for refinement and improvement.

5 paragraphs

473 words


6.0

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