Overall Feedback

Your essay is well-organized and addresses the task, but it would benefit from more fully developed arguments and specific examples. Your vocabulary is generally adequate, but there are some awkward phrases and word choices that could be improved. Additionally, focus on correcting grammatical errors to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your writing. By addressing these areas, you can improve your score in all criteria.

Virtual reality be used as a tool for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatments.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The use of virtual reality for therapeutic interventions and mental health treatment has been an issue in the past years. Although virtual reality might be one of the options that have high success rate, there are also a big risk that come with it. Therefore, in my opinion the use of virtual reality to treat and prevent health issues is not acceptable.

The therapeutic intervention and mental health treatments is a sensitive care to people's who are experiencing the harsh of life. Virtual reality might be the way to ease their concern about the current real life, but it will never become complete cures to their illness. It can just be a way for them to escape the reality that are currently going on. Using virtual reality also can make people became addicted and doesn't want to go back to their reality. The certain way to fully treat this illness is to overcome it directly, people have to find a way to accept and solve the situation they are in. On this journey, the patients can reach out to the specialized doctors to get advice and rest. For example, the patient can go to the psychiatrist speak on their problem and get advice from them.

Additionally, beside making people addicted, using virtual reality also can worsen the physical condition of the patients. The device to engage in virtual reality can damage the brain of people who are using it. The damage is caused by the radiation that accumulate due to the continuously use by the users.

In conclusion, virtual reality is not the right approach for therapeutic intervention and mental treatment since it can harm the patient in both physically and mentally. The best way to cure the patient are by the help of specialized doctors.

Overall Feedback

Your essay is well-organized and addresses the task, but it would benefit from more fully developed arguments and specific examples. Your vocabulary is generally adequate, but there are some awkward phrases and word choices that could be improved. Additionally, focus on correcting grammatical errors to enhance the overall clarity and coherence of your writing. By addressing these areas, you can improve your score in all criteria.

4 paragraphs

293 words

6.0

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