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Your essay is well-organized and addresses the task effectively. To improve further, make sure to clearly state your stance on the issue of banning unhealthy food and drinks. Additionally, work on reducing grammatical errors and using a wider range of vocabulary. Your essay is easy to follow, but refining these areas will help you achieve a higher score.

Shops should not be allowed to sell any food or drinks that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people’s health.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Health is significant aspect that gives direct impact to other aspects such as economic growth and the quality of human resources of nations. Some factors that form health must given serious attention: quality of food, lifestyle, environmental condition, and so on. Attempts to reach community health are collaborations to be done by all stakeholders: government who make the regulations, industries who produce everyday needs, and societies itself.
The main factor that consist our health is our daily consumption of foods. In this modern era, source of information to assess whether the food is healthy or not for our body is easy and free to access. Every food industry
attach nutrition information in their products to help people choose which one is good for them and save to consume regarding the age and other factors. In the other hand, serving information about the content of the products is not enough. Not all people have the capability to understand the ingredients of certain product and decide whether they are good or bad to be consumed.
Besides the effort to educate people to
choose healthy diet, strict regulations must be conducted to help reach the goal of healthy communities. Food industry need to fulfill some qualifications to gain permissions to sell their products. The shops from the ones which are categorized as a small business to the biggest supermarket with huge market chain must follow the regulations: only sell food products which have meet the qualifications, and remove those that have been scientifically proven to be bad for people's health.
By controlling the systems of food supply covering the farmer who provides the raw materials, the chemical industry which helps the farming industry, the food industry which process some ingredients, the
shops and markets, until it is served to the food table of our society, we accelerate the time and energy needed to reach healthy communities.

Overall Feedback

Your essay is well-organized and addresses the task effectively. To improve further, make sure to clearly state your stance on the issue of banning unhealthy food and drinks. Additionally, work on reducing grammatical errors and using a wider range of vocabulary. Your essay is easy to follow, but refining these areas will help you achieve a higher score.

6 paragraphs

317 words


7.0

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