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Your essay covers the task requirements but needs more detailed development of ideas. Your organization is clear, but some paragraphs could be better focused. Your vocabulary is adequate, but watch for awkward phrasing and repetition. Finally, pay close attention to grammatical errors, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. These improvements will help you achieve a higher score.

Some believe that money for education should mainly be spent on better computers while others believe it would be better spent on teachers.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
The majority of people assume that educational money had better be spent almost on computers whereas others argue that it would be the best idea to spend on teachers. The writer of this essay agrees that money should be supported for teachers because they had a lot of difficulties in the competitive world and motivations will be established if they have higher salary.

In the
cutting edge world, it is very important to gain knowledge in technology. In some countries, every social activities are computerized with high-tech methods. For example, it is easy to see young people purchase things on website or payment is completed with QR code. Therefore, teaching students in state-of-the-art way is very necessary to help them access to the current life. Consequently, upgrading the computers systems in school is essential nowadays.

In the ambitious world, there are many difficulties in finances
so teachers need paying higher wage to survive. To be more specific, people always worried about their salary because they need to use money on housing, food or drink. Additionally, taxes and prices are getting higher and higher so they will not achieve vital things if they are paid at low number. Moreover, higher salary will give teachers motivations in teaching. Actually, being a teacher needs a lot of requirements like skills, patience, deep knowledge and logical mindset and this occupation makes them run out of energy and even get sick. This is the reason why a great deal of income will create motivations to overcomes those problems.

In conclusion, it is vital to invest money in
computer to help students create connections with modern world. However, supporting money for teachers is significant because it helps them defeat their problems and build interest in teaching.

Overall Feedback

Your essay covers the task requirements but needs more detailed development of ideas. Your organization is clear, but some paragraphs could be better focused. Your vocabulary is adequate, but watch for awkward phrasing and repetition. Finally, pay close attention to grammatical errors, especially subject-verb agreement and article usage. These improvements will help you achieve a higher score.

4 paragraphs

288 words


6.0

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