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Your essay effectively addresses the question, and you have a clear stance on the issue. However, you need to develop your ideas more fully and use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, pay attention to your vocabulary and grammar to avoid errors. With these improvements, you can aim for a higher band score in your writing task.

Some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. Others feel that it is beneficial for society at large.

Do the advantages of patriotism outweigh its disadvantages?
As a citizen, it is reasonable if we have sense of belonging to our home countries where we were born. The pride to our nations is naturally embodied in our mind, as every human being has a tendency to socialize and build a solidarity. In some occasions, we feel the excitement when we reunite with people from the same home country even we are different in race, tribe, custom, or religion. For instance, when we attend football match between countries, the solidarity among supporters from each country hypes the atmosphere. Another example is when we see other sport competition via television, we used to show our support to athletes with the same origin via social media. The willingness to support and defend a home country is called "patriotism".
However, some people say patriotism causes problems and is negative overall. The term
"chauvinism" is more appropriate to define the exaggerated patriotism. Everything that is too much can flip the positivity into disadvantages, patriotism is no exception. If we defend our countries for too much, we can loose the objectivity to see the shortages. Sometimes we also need to criticize since certain part our countries may need any improvement. For example, the government system not always runs well, feedbacks are considered to be supportive. People that do not let their countries to get any inputs bring the possibility to grow corrupt behavior such as corruptions, collusion, and nepotism.
To avoid those disadvantages, we
need appropriate portion of patriotism to help our countries achieve the goals to provide the welfare of the community who live in there. Our positive supports to every aspects of our nations will give the benefits back to us. For example if we follow the regulations made by the government, let say to pay certain amount of tax, it will be back to us as public facilities.
Overall, the advantages of patriotism potentially outweigh its advantages if we do it in the right way.

Overall Feedback

Your essay effectively addresses the question, and you have a clear stance on the issue. However, you need to develop your ideas more fully and use more cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay. Additionally, pay attention to your vocabulary and grammar to avoid errors. With these improvements, you can aim for a higher band score in your writing task.

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