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Your essay covers the task but needs more detailed explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages of spending more time at work. Improve your paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Use a wider range of vocabulary and be cautious with word choices. Pay attention to grammatical errors and proofread your work to enhance accuracy. Overall, your writing is coherent and logical but requires more depth and precision to achieve a higher score.

These days people spend more and more time at work and less time at home.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?
The urgency of fulfilling everyday needs starting from basic such as foods, shelter, and clothes or secondary like phones and entertainments are going higher in nowadays era. The costs of those stuffs are increasing due to some factors: inflation, massive population growth, scarcity, and so on. Some people need multiple source of income to be able to pay the bills, because their salary from one place is not sufficient. Consequently, they have to spend more time at work and less time at home.
People who live in the cities are more likely to face this hustle-culture than the ones who live in rural areas. This is because the price of the goods in the cities is often significantly higher than in the urban areas. While people live in the countryside usually get their basic needs because the environments they live in possibly provides those things. For example, vegetables and fruits are easily planted in the urban area because the availability of fields and the quality of the soil, water, and atmosphere supports the growth of the plants. People who live in the cities get the same stuffs from the supermarket with higher amount of money because several businesses and supply chain is involved to make them ready to consume.
Because of those factors, people spending more and more time at work. Especially when they have responsibility to support members of their family: children, spouses, or parents. Improving the quality of life contribute to the welfare of the community, increase the economic growth of the country, decrease crime rate in one area, and many other benefits.
However, we need to pay attention to
several disadvantages of overwork: health risks, mental and psychological issues that can lead to reducing the rate of marriage and fertility, the imbalance of population growth, and so on. The bad sides of overwork can give a long-term effects.
In the other hand, we can manage some strategies to reach work-life balance: create regulations of maximum work time. We still hope we can achieve desired quality of life and minimize the bad impacts of overwork.

Overall Feedback

Your essay covers the task but needs more detailed explanations for both the advantages and disadvantages of spending more time at work. Improve your paragraph structure by focusing on one main idea per paragraph. Use a wider range of vocabulary and be cautious with word choices. Pay attention to grammatical errors and proofread your work to enhance accuracy. Overall, your writing is coherent and logical but requires more depth and precision to achieve a higher score.

5 paragraphs

350 words


6.0

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