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Your essay is well-organized and clearly addresses the task. You have used a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures, although there are some minor errors. To improve, focus on refining your word choice and correcting grammatical mistakes. Overall, a strong performance with room for slight improvements.

Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Many individuals believe that people are less independent compared to in the past while others have a contrast perspective. From my own experience, the majority of people nowadays do not depend on themselves as they used to because of the merits from working as a group. People find it easier to cooperate with each other and higher working quality is provided by working together. However, many people may find it difficult if they work with their colleagues so they choose to work independently to improve their working life. In my opinion, people nowadays are not working independently, they choose to work together because of many benefits.

On the one hand, more people
choose to do work singly because they find it easy to concentrate on their tasks. Some people may be distracted by the conversation between members in a group when they are working together on a project. Although it is essential for people to discuss with others, the minority of them find working individually is more suitable for them. Moreover, people whose occupations require creativity may need tranquil environments so that they can come up with many attractive ideas easily. For example, music composers need to have a sound-free environment so that they can produce the best beat and lyrics for their music, so that people can have higher quality products to enjoy. Therefore, their working quality can be improved significantly when they have suitable working settings.

On the other hand, working together can have many positive effects for people. Firstly, for some tasks that need people who are careful and meticulous may be suitable for working in a group. Because products that produced can be double-checked by group
members, therefore, it can prevent many errors. In addition, although some type of works that need people who are creative need to work in a tranquil places, some of them may need to cooperate with others to bring the best quality products. For example, people who work in film production will find it difficult to work on their own with no supports from their colleague. It is mainly because the film should be evaluated by a various of perspective so the director can modify it until they reach the best quality. However, people should not completely depend on others because it may cause inequality in working environment. People who totally depends on others may not develope in the future to climb up the ladder of career. Therefore, from my opinion, people should working with others to have more opinion about a particular problem so that they can have the best solution.

In conclusion, although working individually can allow people stay focus better, I believe that work cooperatively may result in better quality of products. It is suggested that people should balance between working on themselves and spending time on discussing with colleagues to improve their pros and prevent their cons in the next tasks.

Overall Feedback

Your essay is well-organized and clearly addresses the task. You have used a good range of vocabulary and grammatical structures, although there are some minor errors. To improve, focus on refining your word choice and correcting grammatical mistakes. Overall, a strong performance with room for slight improvements.

4 paragraphs

483 words


7.0

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