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Your essay covers the task but needs more detailed explanations and clearer sentences. While your organization is generally good, simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague statements will improve clarity. Focus on choosing the right words and correcting grammatical errors to enhance your writing quality. Overall, you demonstrate a good understanding of the topic but need to refine your language and structure for a higher score.

The use of social media has become widespread in recent years.

What problems can this cause, especially for young people? How can these problems be tackled?
In recent years, the amount of people use digital platforms has risen significantly because of the popular of these ways of entertainment. Notwithstanding consuming contents on the online environment may have many positive effects, people should be careful while using it because it may possess some adverse effects potentially such as misleading informations. Young people who use internet can be scammed if they do not be trained how to differentiate fake and real. These problems can be solved on their own or with the intervention of educational institutions by researching the instructions of using social media safely. This essay will shed light on the reasons and how to deal with this problem.

To begin with, there are various
problems can happen to people who use social media from many age groups. For those who too young or the elderly, they may find it difficult to use electronic gadgets so they can be scammed easily through the digital platforms. Cybercrime can take advantage of social platforms and the development of technology to produce many fake videos that have the same faces and appearances as their relatives or friends to lend money from these people. Therefore, they will lost much money if they do not get the information about this type of criminals. Moreover, young people who has been equipped enough knowledge about using internet safely, they can be addicted to social platforms. Nowadays, many entertaining contents are manufactured everday, so young people can get access to these posts or videos without having any difficulties. Because of freedom in posting contents, many videos or posts that do not be evaluated by the governments or administrators of that platform can be consumed by many audience in various ranges of age from under 18 to over 60. In these watchers, it may have some children, and these contents that are not censored may result in adverse effect on life of children.

These effects can be lessened if the governments or educational institutions have some regulations
to their citizens. The governments should enact more laws about online contents, what people can post on social media platform to prevent the toxic contents. In addition, the governments should fine people who scam others by taking advantage of social media, so the amount of scammers may be reduced. The educational institutions can have some effect to their students by having some lessons to teach learners how to secure their account and prevent them from consuming toxic contents. Having the manage of parents will be perfect in the progress of solving this problems. Parents can have some rules about using phones when their child or children do not reach the minimum age such as limit the time of using phones or use some apps that made just for kids such as youtube kids, where contents are censored to ensure the quality for the kids. Therefore, kids can be protected on online platforms. Young people should also limit their own time spend on using phones and media platform by attending more extracurricular activities not only to enhance their health but also prevent them from using electronic gadgets.

In conclusion, using
platform may possess many potential effects on people not only in young age but also others age groups as this essay mentioned before. It is suggested that people should equip more knowledge about using media platforms on their own to prevent them from being scammed by cybercrime and also educate their children.

Overall Feedback

Your essay covers the task but needs more detailed explanations and clearer sentences. While your organization is generally good, simplifying complex sentences and avoiding vague statements will improve clarity. Focus on choosing the right words and correcting grammatical errors to enhance your writing quality. Overall, you demonstrate a good understanding of the topic but need to refine your language and structure for a higher score.

4 paragraphs

571 words


6.0

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